Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
