I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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