they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this will be a night to untag.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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