can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
