goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
