you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
