What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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