Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
