some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
