so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
