Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
