i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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