I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
