So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
