Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
