its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
