i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
