Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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