4 words: hood of his car
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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