She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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