I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
