Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
