So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
