No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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