her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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