Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
