Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
