Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
