You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
