We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
