i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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