just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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