Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
