I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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