my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
