I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
