just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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