my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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