Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there's paper in my vomit.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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