This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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