At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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