yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
