Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
