if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
