this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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