turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
