some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I believe in your delicious
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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