It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
