i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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