Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
