Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
