I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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