I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
