Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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