we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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